Note: I invite everyone to let me know if you wish to “unsubscribe” from this missive. To each Dear On, you can opt out or in whenever you choose. No need for explanation. Just let me know. You will not hurt my feelings. I will know you are simply taking are of yourself!
Dear Ones,
Today is Wednesday… March 25th, 2020. Like no other Wednesday that we have experienced before…
Today in Menlo Park it is overcast, cool, still, so very quiet, with occasional visits by a few slender sunbeams filtering through the branches of the budding Japanese Maple trees.
Finding balance...
I am learning that it is helpful to be creating a kind of new-normal structure in each day…including NOT reading the latest news before getting out of bed, having a few minutes to be still and quiet, brewing a cup of coffee, sitting and taking in the beauty of the innocent spring day. I know news awaits about the world coping with CoVid 19. I know in future days the news will get more dire. I’ve discovered, for myself that beautiful music is as important as breathing. I’ve learned to turn music on and let it be my soothing companion. You may note I haven’t mentioned how important my daily exercise routine is..I’m hoping and praying endorphins are making a list to invite me to their party...
The deck and garden are so inviting, but it is still too cold to venture out and do serious gardening. The birds, however, find the current conditions superb…They love the fact that someone is attending to them, filling their numerous feeders (11) promptly and replenishing their favorite water playgrounds. The chubby robins, visiting for their short-two week visit, are delightful as they “swim laps" in the small bird bath by the kitchen window. The troops have announced far and wide that 🦜🎶🦜THIS BACK YARD 🦜🎶🦜 is a good place to hang out…goldfinches, chickadees, titmice, house finches, sparrows, a sweet family of woodpeckers, mourning doves, and, of course, hummingbirds and families of spunky grey and black squirrels who feel entitled to equal time and a share of the goodies. I am very pleased to have their cheerful company as they provide sweet entertainment and uncomplicated joy.
I have a small story about a precious chickadee that unexpectedly joined me in the house this week…we were both surprised to find one another in my office! I thought of everyone I knew whom I might call to deal with such an emergency, but you can imagine that list was short. I didn’t think 911 would appreciate hearing from me, so I took a few deep breaths and called on well, whatever is that is we call in in such moments. The chickadee and I worked it out…each coaxing, encouraging, reassuring each other…we built a certain trust and, together we invented a clever arrangement of lamps and and broomsticks and numerous dish towels, providing the path to the small opening in the window. And, eventually, rather miraculously, out he/she flew…such relief. Seemed lovely to be focused on one small little life and to help it along. Such a contrast to feeling helpless in light of our human family’s tragedy that engulfs our planet.
An insight: As I hear from friends and family world-wide, sheltered at home with days of empty hours, a majority volunteer that “nothing or almost-nothing is getting done”. Almost to a person they report that they are in touch with dear ones, staying abreast of the news, occasionally watching a movie or taking a walk, cooking together, consoling one another. Most feel off-balance. They describe feeling numb, suspended in time. People mention a lethargy, an inability to focus on everyday practical things that need to be done. Like living in a dream. It occurs to me that this sounds very much like grief. And then, I think, but of course.
There is currently a tidal wave of losses occurring. Every age group has it’s own list of losses: Children, who’s long-practiced and long-awaited school plays and glee club productions have been cancelled, birthday parties and play-dates halted, sports put on hold, beloved soccer and baseball tournaments abandoned, bacalauraets, gradations, proms, end-of year-celebrations suspended. Millennials and Gen-x’s have postponed weddings and baby showers, celebrations and long-planned vacations. We older adults are now “a demographic” called “fragile", and we must abandon plans to be with our families, to travel abroad, to be with daughters at births, grieve with loved-ones at funerals, to attend birthdays and graduations of cherished grandchildren, asking ourselves “I wonder when I might see them again? The list goes on and on.
We are in the midst of ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows. It’s demanding work. It takes precedence over “getting things done”. For now, it is our priority: To pay attention, to bring compassion to ourselves as well as others, to sooth the unnamed grief that asks us to tend to first things first as our old world morphs into something we cannot yet imagine. Amazingly, we all know how go do this and, in fact, we are doing it. We’re calling it “I’m not getting anything done”, but that’s not true. Etty Hillesom writes, "Sometimes the most important thing we do in a day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” These seem to be such days.
A final thought: Gratitude for friends and family. Gratitude for scientists and doctors and nurses who are working selflessly to guide us through the medical cataclysm. Gratitude for teachers and wise souls who comfort and remind us of our capacity to weather this crisis and grow into beautiful places we've never seen or known before. Gratitude for the Earth and the sunbeams filtering through the trees and the birds in our gardens. And the music. I encourage you to find YOUR music and play it. If you need a list of Pandora stations/artists, I’ll share mine, but be forewarned I lean heavily classical with cello and piano accents. Choral music also ranks high on the list.
Two gifts worth listening to…inspiring, soothing:
A Grateful Day with Brother David-Steindl-Rast
Eric Whitacres Virtual Choir - Lux Aurumque.
The beauty of our common humanity in one voice.
Sending much love to you and to all those you love, and let’s continue to rest between our two deep breaths and hold one another tight over these coming days,
~S
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Sue Linville Shaffer, Ed.D, MFT
Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth. - Rumi
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